It lives with me every single day with varying degrees of severity. Sometimes it’s just a incident, sometimes it debilitates my ability to think, love and feel. It’s a war not uncommon to those who’ve ever felt breached, disrespected or cheapened to mere property. I would be ignorant to claim that there will come a time when I will “get over it.” It’s a part of me, and it will always plague me.
But there’s good news. I’m alive. I’m here. And I’m going to continue to be here because I’m meant to be here. I am meant to grow and become even more smart, intelligent, loving and just better every single day. I’m meant to think, love and feel and channel my feelings through the things and people that I love.
When I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel happiness again, I was reminded of it through my friends, family, boyfriend and, above all, my cat. Most importantly, I was reminded of it through my growth and my beautiful progression into the person I am today and the person I will be tomorrow. Nothing can ever destroy my spirit and my will to, not only survive, but to thrive. Not even you.
I’m not sure if I’ve reached forgiveness, but I can say that I don’t hate you. It’s not wired in me to hate people, even those that have wronged me. I genuinely hope you learned something and that you’ll find out how to love yourself and to do everything to enrich your life so you don’t harm anyone ever again.
You left a scar, but you haven’t broken my spirit. In a way, you reminded me that although tragedy exists, beautiful things also exist. I’m currently sitting at home with my cat. She’s sitting next to me, purring and playing with her tail, making me smile as she always does. She is one of the many beautiful signs that remind me that I am more than a transgression. I am more than depression. I am more than anxiety. I am more than trauma. I am more than a survivor.
I am more.